I was sitting in a meeting in which one of our product managers was promoting the idea of using "cultured marble" in the homes we built. I was appalled. We had a reputation for quality and value. I was shocked at the idea of saving a few bucks per house, when the cost of that savings was to introduce cheap, tacky, crappy goods in the rooms that matter most to women who purchase homes.

My experience has been that you have to work hard to upgrade women buyers from cheaper floor coverings. Upgrading faucets and countertops is much easier. Women want "nice" bathrooms and kitchens.

My response to the sales pitch: "Yogurt is cultured. Bacteria are cultured. This is not cultured. This is uncouth."

The sales rep from Uncouth Sinks, Inc. was stunned and silent. Our Product Manager was embarrased. The rest of the room was a group of adults laughing hysterically – it could have been a scene from a movie, a parody of comedy. The last time I saw people laugh that hard was when President Bush (the Elder) blew chunks at the Prime Minister of Japan. Or maybe it was the first time we heard about the 'stained blue dress.'¹

Follow-up:

1. the sales rep left quickly.... without a sale
2. our Product Manager had to endure months of yogurt jokes
3. to this day I refuse to even consider uncouth marble as a serious product - except for use in trailer parks that are going to be trashed by tornadoes anyway

Disclosure: I built my house 11 years ago

• the tubs, showers, and shop/laundry sinks are fiberglass-reinforced acrylic
• the hot tub is made from a more conventional resin reinforced with fiberglass
• the kitchen sink is your basic, generic porcelin-coated steel

Yes, I specifically purchased plastic goods for those items. But there is no pretense about them. They're inexpensive, durable, easy to maintain. And they're plastic. They're not pretending to be anything. They are colloquially known as "fiberglass." Period.

I'm no longer in construction, but if anyone asks about cheap, tacky crap, I have an opinion and I'm not afraid to use it.


¹ Has anyone seen Hilary Clinton wear a blue dress since 1997?