Thesaurus (n). A long extinct demonstrative adjective ¹ now found in fossils. It is sometimes written The-saurus to clarify and to link Thesaursus to Tyranno-saurus, Acrocantho-saurus and other such -saurui.

The primary characteristic of the Thesaurus was that its diet consisted primarily of space at the beginning of sentences, clauses, and phrases.It is thought that the cause of the mass deaths of the Thesaurus was over-use and ill-conception.

From time to time contemporary English-speakers claim to have sighted a Thesaurus. Scientists dispute the possibility, but cults have formed around the belief in living Thesauri. Such cults claim that Thesaurus is a definite article and worship Thesaurus while diminishing the importance of conjunctions as tools of infidels (and possibly Satan).


¹ This identification, "demonstrative adjective" is from the Oxford English Dictionary. While many linguists and high school English teachers dispute this, the OED is roughly equivalent to the tablets that Moses brought down from the mount. It is therefore the authority on words and grammar, and so be what it declares.

² If you believe any of the above, let's talk about a snake who speaks, a boat that can carry every living species of animal, and a most-highly revered virgin who had a baby after an out-of-wedlock pregnancy (and she convinced her fiancé that she was impregnated as the result of a non-sexual encounter with .... are you ready for this ... a ghost).