Those G%$#&@~#@n Liberals

When we last checked in on Joe, he was traveling to see his father at the family farm. Poor Joe had to drive in a car whose safety was ensured because of government regulations on automakers. He was forced to use government-funded roads and their liberty-depriving traffic regulations. He had to endure this tyranny because those G%$#&@~#@n liberals keep sticking their noses into people's private lives.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Labels: government regulations, liberal, liberty, safety, social security, taxes

We were told that we invaded Iraq to, in part, bring a better life to the people of Iraq. How have we done?

1. They no longer have to live under Saddam Hussein, with his torture and killing of Iraqi citizens.
2. There are no Weapons of Mass Destruction in their midst.
3. They had a national election a few years ago
4. There are no terrorists collaborating with Saddam.

Now the Iraqi people enjoy the best of the dreams of American conservatives. Here's a Top Ten (or so...) List of the coolest things about living in Iraq:

• No Gun Control.
• Only 1 legislative body to buy.
• A free market, restrained only by guns and bombs.
• No one watches Michael Moore's movies.
• A pure supply-and-demand system with low supply, high demand, and astronomical prices.
• People willing to stand in line and pay any price for gasoline.
• No trial lawyers.
• It's easy to keep the peasants happy: free air conditioning in every building.
• No Canadians next door.
• Gated communities rock!
• No credit card bills.
• Law according to a book of faith, written many centuries ago, as interpreted by whomever has the biggest, baddest arsenal to enforce the law.
• No illegal immigrants.
• An unregulated health care system where them that gots is them that gets; everyone else gets eaten up in the dog-eat-dog world of natural selection (that same 'natural selection' process which doesn't exist, according to many conservatives).
• No Pure Food and Drug inspectors.
• Huge demand for items containing lead and spent uranium (are you listening, China?)
• No liberal media.
• Don't have to waste money on infrastructure such as roads, bridges, sewage treatment, water treatment (clean water is for losers, anyway).
• No liberal professors in the colleges, corrupting the children.
• Everything is privatized - even the militias.
• Don't have to worry about having to sue businesses.... or neighbors."
• No Social Security.
• Can build noo-kew-ler power plants anywhere, any time.
• No minimum wage.
• Most minorities know their place and lay low or leave the country.
• No zoning laws.
• Education only for those who can afford it.
• No environmentalists.
• Tax collectors too afraid to venture out to collect.
• No pollution control laws.
• Might makes right.
• You don't have to get confused by saying 'reform' when you mean 'get rid of'.
• No damned 1st, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th Amendments
• Cops don't have to bother with "you have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney...
• Religious freedom, as long as you worship at the right place.
• No worries about having the right shoes or dress for the occasion.
• Women's health issues are not worth considering.
• A "Flat Tax" on income (really!).
• No saftey inspectors.
• Screw the U.N.
• No insurance premiums to pay.

and the number one cool thing about living in Iraq

No Democrats.

Dick Cheney: if you're reading this, try to not get any on the keyboard. It makes the keys all sticky.

Labels: christian, conservative, flat tax, free market, gun control, iraq, jewish, liberal media., liberal professors, minimum wage, religious freedom, social security, unregulated, Zoroastrian