It just seemed like a good idea at a time.

Video demonstrations for the next time you're going to cook - or eat, or both - a turkey.

Joy Of Cooking: Turkey Carving
How To Cook Turkey
Turkey Carving 101
How To Carve A Turkey In Your Kitchen
Carving and Serving a Turkey
How To Carve a Turkey
How To Carve A Turkey At Your Table
Turkey Carving By Cooking.Com

Labels: carving, turkey

This produces the best turkey ever: moist, tender meat with a delightful smoky flavor. The skin will be crunchy, and will have a pronounced smoky flavor. The secret is to cook at high heat, cooking the the skin fast - thereby sealing in the moisture. Our turkeys usually cook in about 2 hours (much less time than oven-roasting).

Ingredients and Materials:

• A charcoal grill (20 to 22 in. wide) with a domed lid.
• A meat thermometer.
• 5 pounds of briquets. To start the fire, it is OK to use quick-start briquets (briquets that have been pre-impregnated with lighter fluid). However, as the turkey cooks you will add more briquets. If you add pre-impregnated briquets, the odor of the lighter fluid may contaminate the flavor of the turkey. Have standard (non-qucik-start) briquets available.
• Wood chips - hardwood chips only! Sporting goods stores usually have chips that will impart the best smoke flavor. I prefer Alder, but Hickory is good. Many people like to use fruitwood chips such as Apple or Cherry.
• For the ultimate in flavor, have 1/2 pound to 1 pound of fresh Rosemary or 1-2 ounces of dried Rosemary. I grow a rosemary bush whose primary purpose is to provide Rosemary for the charcoal and gas grills.
• A turkey. For generous servings, allow 1/2 to 3/4 pound uncooked turkey per person, more if you want leftovers. Tom? Hen? Damphyno. I don't notice any difference.
  

For the turkey's cavity:

• Whole, peeled onion, cut into chunks.
• 1-3 peeled garlic cloves.
• 3-5 celery stalks.
• Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme.... and Marjoram. Those are best fresh, but dried is fine.
• Note: the drippings might contain soot. Be prepared to use alternative ingredients for making gravy. Making gravy is beyond the scope of this article.

Preparing the Fire:

• On the firegrate, mound and ignite 40-50 charcoal briquettes.
• When coals are spotted with gray ash (in about 20 minutes), push equal portions of briquettes to opposite sides of firegrate.
• Place a metal drip pan between coals. An inexpensive disposable aluminum pan is fine.
• To each mound of coals, add 5 non-quick-start briquettes before adding the uncooked turkey to the grill at the beginning and every 30 minutes while cooking. Set grill 4 to 6 inches above coals. Set turkey, breast side up, on grill over drip pan.

Prepare the bird.

• Thaw turkey, if frozen, at least 72 hours in refrigerator.
• If stuffing the bird, do so just before cooking. Note: to prevent food poisoning, it is best to bake stuffing in baking dishes.
• Remove and discard the leg truss from the turkey.
• Pull off and discard lumps of fat.
• Remove giblets and neck. Reserve giblets, neck, and drippings for gravy. Cook these separately by boiling.
• Rinse the bird inside and out; pat dry with towels.
• Rub turkey skin with cooking oil.
  

Cook:

• Cook the turkey until the meat thermometer registers 160 degrees. To test the temperature, insert a meat thermometer straight down through thickest part of breast to bone, then back the thermometer out approximately 1/8".
• During the cooking process, add to each mound of coals, add 5 briquettes every 30 minutes.
• During the cooking process, place wood chips and rosemary on the grill - or on the coals - every 30 minutes.

Serve:

• Remove the turkey from the grill.
• Allow it to cool for 20 minutes prior to carving. The slicing will work better when the bird has cooled slightly.
• Lighten up. Let people grab little bits of meat before you serve.

A bit of history:
This cooking method is not unique to me. I did, however, independently invent the technique in an emergency. Over the decades I - and friends and loved ones - have refined the process. The original emergency occurred on a stormy Thanksgiving Day. As happens so often in the Great Northwet, the storm knocked out the electrical grid, thus preventing us from cooking the turkey. A Weber^® grill and some charcoal saved the day.

Somehow those wicked Northwet storms seem to know which days are festive holidays that warrant feasting. Since that storm many years ago, well, who cares?

Labels: charcoal, turkey

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. 'They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Crap might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Barely related moral to a barely related story:

On 9/12/2001 George W. Bush got to the top of the tree because of the perceived needs of the Nation after the terrorist attacks of 9/11. Today he isn't exactly at the top any more. And he has turned out to be quite a turkey.

Labels: Bob Bush, bull crap, cindy mccain, george w. mccain, john mc bush, palin, turkey